Badge of PRIDE

Warning* This Blog has a lot of Flashbacks

Present time
In television more often than not you find yourself doing small budget shows, if you are among the lucky few then you will get to be a part of some big budget shows, for eg KBC, Survivor, Fear Factor, Bigg Boss etc. But most of us do a lot of small budget shows and earn our bread and butter by doing 3 to 4 such shows in a year, but what happens when you happen to work with a big production house on a big budget show, ur kind of thrown off balance with the comfort coz there are so many people and everyone has a designated role so no multi tasking, you turn into a specialist of sorts.

This is all hunky dory until the show comes to an end and you move back onto a smaller project, getting back into multitasking takes a while, coz by now ur spoilt ! Out of habit you yell out to the "spot dada".. only to jolt back into senses and realise there is no Spot dada.. Frustration sets in but then your phone rings with the IPL hooter as a ringtone and you are faced with reality head on.....you realise that with the IPL season ON ur lucky enough to even have a job so stop cribbing.
Times like these make me go into Flashback,

October 2008 to August 2009 in the city of Bath, England where I was working as a waiter and washer. Have had the experience of taking orders, making tables, relaying the breakfast buffet and at times even washing around 300 vessels a day, (if I may add,none of them were mine).

You come back to ground and realise that working on a small budget show or not having the perks of a big production is actually nothing and is all in the mind. The fact that once a year you work on a big budget show should be treated as a luxury and not a necessity.

I still remember the time when quite ironically on Independence day, i.e. ; 15th August, I was working as a waiter in England and taking orders from the Brits (not that they were cruel or bad to me, on the contrary were very nice) ....but it just felt weird !!

I still have my name badge of the Hotel I was working in, it is called Barcelo Premium's Combe Grove Manor. I have now decided to wear this badge as a symbol of pride on my sleeve so that whenever I get complacent I have something to look at, something that reminds me of what I have done and hence any task at hand is smaller in comparison. Spot or No SPOT,Budget or No Budget, it is the love for shooting that got me into this, I remember shooting college project films in 2500Rs....time to FALL IN LOVE......all over AGAIN !

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION !!!

Food for Thought

Not a Blog - Just a thought I came across, wanted to share it !!

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.

Unposted Letters

As I shamelessly copy the title of my Blog from this book I am currently reading by T.T.Ranga rajan that I realise that I have been quite shameless (read selfish) over the last many months even in my life.

So is it bad to be Selfish ?? To think about your own self ? To do what you, your mind, your body or your heart pleases ????

Quite honestly, I don't see the problem ! But the problem arises when you start involving other people in your selfish pursuits, especially if they are not on the same page. So yes now coming to the point,

I AM GUILTY

Have wronged quite a few people and I am apologetic about that,about the hurt; at times intentional but mostly unintentional. But not for one moment do I regret the experiences and the learnings these experience brought me, some made me smile, some made me laugh, some even made me scared and yes a couple of them even made me cry.

The road to self discovery is the most difficult, the inner turmoil just never stops.....as I have realised ! At times I decided to make it tougher for myself by taking the road less travelled, now I am back on the track that I know more off coz this is where I want to be. The phase of " Phases" is over.

The Light is in Sight !!!

Creative Calling

I belong to a Creative Field, being in television we often get a chance to escape into this world that we create for the millions of viewers who watch it on air. But believe me there is no greater high than watching your hardwork, at times even your sweat and Blood, quite literally; being translated into television air time. All that the viewer gets to see is 42minutes of a show but we know that it has actually at times taken over 40hours to produce those 42minutes of deliverable content.

So what drives each of us associated with this Insane Industry ?

• Is it that we dont like Sleep ?
• We dont love our families actually?
• Alcohol ?
• Glamour....? errr sorry did I say Glamour...ha ha
• LOVE..... hmmm

I actually think it is Love. Belonging to a creative field if you are not in Love then I strongly believe you cannot flourish, well atleast not flourish to your max. Love gives you the adrenaline pump that you need to survive these working hours, the ego clashes, the politics of it all.

You can be in Love with anyone, your friends, a girlfriend/s, a co worker, your boss, your show, your team or if your lucky then your job as a whole. But without Love it is kinda difficult.

So if you too want to find a method to this Madness then go ahead and fall in LOVE......It always works !!!!

To Stand UP or Look Away !!!

The answer to this question was always easy, the name of my Blog, the themed picture all being an easy give away to what I would do !

You mess with my woman, you mess with Me ! You mess with someone else’s woman, you mess with Me ! You mess with your woman and I see it, you mess with Me !

There have been many instances in the past when I would get into scuffles on the road; when I would see someone hitting their girlfriends or when someone would stare at mine….they were asking for it …right ?? Probably not….

Keenan & Reuben, the new bravehearts of our city, they fought to save the dignity of their women and ended up DEAD !

News like these is what shakes up my Family, they know me and they know I would have done the same but then when you hear news like this you start thinking about them…..Do you Stand up or Look Away ??

My sister watched ‘No one Killed Jessica’ and her first thought- ME, she texted me to promise her that I would not do something like this…..WHY ??

My heart goes out to the family of the 2 men. But they died as Heroes, stood up for what is RIGHT….period !!!

For the sake of my family…..Is there a possible middle ground ??

--Butterflies--

I have been working in television since 2006 now, have directed various shows but what is with these butterflies in my stomach everytime I go out for a new shoot. It feels like the first day of an exam....my appetite goes for a toss on that day.

These butterflies are now not restricted to just my profession but seem to extend to my personal life too.....every time there is something new, and I am trying to be a new me these days....these chics (read butterflies) just keep coming back.

So wat is with this new me....NEW me......
I also have a 'Deep' question..... Can people actually change....like really change their core being ?

Lets see !!!

No SMILE !!!

So lately I have been hearing this very often......"You don't smile much...do you ? "......"We have never seen you smiling.....from within"......Now that I sit back and think about it, probably I don't smile as much as I used to earlier !! Gradually over the last 1 year or so, I know that I have changed...and its something that I do realise but don't feel like stopping, I used to be this really humorous and funny guy but it all slowly and steadily vanished .....!!

I would like to call it maturity, but then I would be lying to myself !! But every once in a while (read once in 2 months) the naughty me resurfaces and that's when I am at my Happiest . I need to now start looking at ways wherein I can get rid of the baggage and rediscover the 26yr old me....apparently I act like a 35year old !

P.S: I feel 40